Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Collapsing all of mankind into the palm of your hand!

It's funny how different we believe, or want to believe, each of us are from another. It seems we're willing to grossly exaggerate our petty differences to the point of killing each other over them just to feel unique, different, special. The differences, as well as what many may call the similarities, are objective, they are traits, characteristics, creations of mind that one can observe with their eyes, ears, nose, mouth and hands. Skin tone, language, food preferences, body type, personality, etc... However, all of them combined are quite insignificant in the light of our true similarity. Our true similarity lies not in 'what we are' but in 'how we are'. I would suggest it lies not in what the mind creates but in how the mind creates it. What is the process of mind? Clearly, it is your own awareness that must follow that question to where this process is operating within you. Allow me to get you started. The process of mind is how life and the individual are configured in order to create a relationship of survival , it is the backbone of reality for life on Earth. How you perceive, how you think, how you feel, how you relate, how you store knowledge, how you respond to circumstance, how you learn, adapt, grow, become... I'll stop there because nothing imagined is left out and this entry would be way to long! This 'how' is exactly the same for all, everywhere, always, with a few rare exceptions. You may like dahl and I may hate it but how we arrived at our different conclusions is exactly the same. You may have dark skin and I may not but how our skin became what it became follows the exact same process. You may think that communism is better than capitalism but the process of mind that arrives at that opinion is the same.

So, if you have read this far and are still willing to read a little farther, doesn't it strike you as odd why we, as a human species sharing a limited resource, have not explored this area of consciousness together? Why we haven't shared the unfolding discovery of mind and it's way of manifestation in the open, with great depth and intensity in order to bring this systematic process of mind to the light of our collective awareness?
Now don't get me wrong, this process of mind is not the only capacity of mind, that would be ridiculous to assume such a thing. There is, as one other example, creativity, which is totally different and not mechanical at all.

But clearly there are so many possibilities for life on Earth outside of this mechanical process of mind. And all that is required in order to touch a mind beyond this rat race is to be aware of yourself. Not the object that you are, not the things that distinguish you from another but the process that builds that which you've always thought you are. That process is a function of the human brain, the same human brain in every human head. The awareness of that process collapses the entire world into the palm of your hands. When you begin to learn about it you are learning about all of mankind. You are beginning to be aware of yourself.

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Sunday, July 29, 2007

A Benediction.

Today has been a beautiful day. I have been inside the entire day because of my sore and swollen ankle. I've blogged a bit and watched quite a bit of television as well as ate every few hours, I was quite hungry from healing I suppose. An emotional wave came over me and I sobbed for a few minutes, just feeling my body shake as I released some pain. And then there was this benediction... I hobbled from my room to get a bite to eat and our front door was open, as it often is. There was, still is, a stillness flooding the room from outside, I felt it immediately, curiously. I went to the kitchen and made myself something to eat and then hobbled outside to sit in a chair and eat my dinner. This stillness was everywhere, covering everything and there was a silence engulfing it all. This may sound romantic but it really was not, maybe you know what I mean. It was as if the Earth was still and nothing disturbed it, the breeze, an airplane, a neighbor, a passing car, my own thoughts...nothing touched it. It was just as it is now, still, silent and sacred. The sunlight was a part of it, the trees and bushes, the birds, breeze, distant drumming and I were all blanketed with it, washed in it. I finished eating and just sat, resting myself there in it's embrace, so palpable and persistent. Timelessness was a fact, not some state to achieve, timelessness...it's nature, was revealing itself to me, to anyone aware of this benediction I suppose. I even at one point clasped my hands and prayed my life's intentions into the silent sense of being. And then I came in and washed my dishes and wrote you this blog, just to share but a fraction of that feeling, that moment, that benediction that is still flooding the Earth!

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The Search for Identity.

The search for identity pretty much sums up human life on Earth. You may call it by many different names but it all boils down to this search for one's identity, doesn't it? It would seem as if this search starts at some developmental point when the maturing brain of a small child begins to comprehend it's surroundings, feelings, language, and thoughts. Unfortunately, it is like finding your way through a very dark room you've never been in before...I mean the earliest of years are completely out of our hands, we depend on others absolutely, and once we are mature enough to take care of ourselves the concrete has already been set, so to speak. The brain has already found it's grooves, reacting automatically from what was absorbed during our absolutely dependent years of maturing. And so we search, who am I...am I nice, bad, smart, attractive, liked, disliked, cool, safe, confident, shy, scared...you know the battle that rages internally when growing up, right? Then, it becomes more polished, what I'm good at, what I'm bad at, what I like, don't like, am I artistic, athletic, intelligent...what do I want to be when I grow up, a doctor, lawyer, painter, baseball player, accountant, etc. Surely all of it is a search for my identity, and when the search becomes weary, as it does for everyone at some point, we settle, we say this is what/who I am and then we work to maintain that. Slight improvements and upgrades here and there, and of course the sliding back into what I don't want to be and the battle to overcome that, but basically we settle somewhere, set up shop, and maintain. In this regard there is no higher or lower, it is the same exact movement driving each of us on, whether we become lawyers or priests, it is the same drive for an identity. I would suggest that everything on Earth serves to create identity, religion, nations, race, family, politics, culture, history, experience, resistance, personal traits, our body, our abilities, etc...
So, together, what if we made the suggestion to stop searching for an identity. Just right now while we read this blog together. My searching for an identity has now stopped. What do I find remains? Well, I can see quite clearly that this search for an identity is actually driven from the fact that I already have an identity, one I'm just not happy with, one I feel is incomplete, insufficient. I don't like the identity I presently have, it MUST be modified in some way, it must be changed, it must become something else. Maybe you are the rare bird where none of this is happening, I suppose there have been a few, but for the rest of us, for me, I've found this unsatisfactory identity driving the search for an improved one, a different one, a better one. And yet, when I face the identity I already have, right now as it is, and acknowledge that it is finished, complete, not perfect or even likable at times, just an end product in and of itself, a question arises that doesn't arise when the search to change is on full steam ahead. That question is, 'why does the mind need an identity at all?' Now this question has a feeling component that one cannot deny, if it is only words, it's beauty is missed. But if you can feel the question, because you have gone to that place of acknowledging the identity that you are right now, every bit of it, without any movement into the search to become different, I dare say the question reveals an entirely new mind. And a new mind manifests a new life.

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Saturday, July 28, 2007

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Friday, July 27, 2007

Headlines, Part 2

This will be an ongoing post taken from headlines in one of our National Newspapers. I read today yet another example of the sort of absurdity that has been brought to my attention quite a few times over the years. The caption read, 'Two versions of history', and the article was referring to the differing textbooks now being published in Israel for Arab and Jewish third-graders. The books written in Arabic now mention the Nakba (catastrophe), referring to the Palestinian exodus from Israel following the Arab-Israeli war. OK. However, the textbooks written in Hebrew will not be revised to include this event even occurring, only that the war was justifiable "because of Jews' historic roots in the Holy Land and their need for a permanent refuge from persecution." How ironic, since there are now some 4 million Palestinian refugees who have lived for decades in refugee camps surrounding Israel. Now, again, I am not passing judgment on either side, you may, but I'm not. What is of far more interest to me is how there is so little room for the acknowledgment of our collective past and so much energy spend twisting 'what has been' according to our passing beliefs and self-centered needs for momentary security. Why are there two, if not many, many more, versions of history? The definition of history is "an account of related natural phenomena based on observation and investigation" or "the past events of a period in time." Clearly it is subjective, determined by the one observing and investigating the said period in time but when we actually teach, as if it is the whole truth, different versions of what happened or how it happened or to whom it happened, how can we except to live with one another? Native Americans have a verifiable 4,000 year history here in America, how much of it are you familiar with? Japan has yet to acknowledge any wartime atrocities to the people of Korea or China even though millions died and survived through that painful period in their shared 'history.' Are we ignorant enough to believe the children of the original 700,000 Palestinians driven from their homes do not have first hand accounts of what their parents actual experience was of that period in history? It is SOOOOO absurd I think it would make anyone directly effected by such ignorance boiling with animosity inside. And then we attempt to live together, we attempt to form communities, bridge gaps. Is it any wonder we fragment into isolated support groups of race, creed, gender and religion? Is it any wonder we war with each other? It is such a slap in the face, it is as if we are saying, 'you, whoever you are, you are not intelligent enough to understand what happened in the past or why, so just move on, get over it, forget about it, or like this article points out, maybe we can just indoctrinate peoples differently and keep us isolated enough so that we never find out! Well, how do think it's working?
WAR says, act on that base emotion and when it comes up again, act on it again. PEACE says, acknowledge that base emotion and when it comes up again, acknowledge it again. Where do you stand? Thank you for your time. I promise I have not intentionally twisted any of the "facts" presented in this blog for purposes of making a point, saving my skin, or appearing more intelligent than you. I'm not.

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Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Way of Revolution.

The revolutions we have known so far have been of a certain variety. Most arise like powder-kegs from a situation that makes living unbearable for a percentage of a certain population. They explode and the world is different in the wake of that explosion, however much or little and for however long, it is different. Revolution is energy exploding into form, energy that has been locked away, forgotten, imprisoned, denied and here, in part, is the interesting thing about it. Because most of us do not live with a sense of energy pulsing through our veins every day we are only comfortable bearing it for so long and then our circuitry wears down and we tune out. That seems quite natural, everything ebbs and flows, right? And yet the fact that our bodies and mind are conditioned into certain forms, for instance a particular level of comfort, doesn't necessarily mean that the level of energy we are, therefore, comfortable with is, in fact, the level of energy that is possible, natural, or even healthy. Possible is a touchy word to use because I am not implying you should TRY to have more energy...that, clearly, would be a waste of energy, but I'm only interested in how the conditioning we are subject to, as a nation let's say, day in and day out has a very definite effect. Picture a particular condition that effects our bodies and mind, like television, as a light, silk, 500 thread count sheet. We're not judging television, only comparing it to a beautifully light sheet. You lay down in bed and that wonderfully light sheet floats down on top of you. Another condition, like diet, is a second light, silk sheet that floats down on top of the first...Pretty soon you're laying under 5,000 light, silk, 500 thread count sheets and you're a lethargic, suffocating pool of immobility! But when you look to take off any one of them you may not choose to. Change my diet?!?! Stop watching 5 hours of television?!?!? Be alone?!?!?! Stop smoking?!?!? No coffee, change my routine...?!?! The revolutions we have known may say, "I will not live with these 128 silk, 500 count sheets...but the rest, sure..I'll keep them', if they were at all aware of the rest to begin with. Now, I'm in no way suggesting those 128 silk sheets didn't have to be removed, only that a Total Revolution is quite another bag!
Take an avalanche. When buried in an avalanche it is said you should spit from your mouth so that you can tell which way is up. Buried in feet of white snow with only seconds to get out before it freezes together it may be the only way to tell which way is up! The moment you spit, you know, thanks to gravity, and you immediately dig up to get out. That immediacy is revolution. And yet who feels as if they are buried in an avalanche with seconds to save your life!! I'm numb to the Earth's call for revolution, I'm numb to humanity's call for revolution, I'm numb to life's call for revolution, for I've yet to see the white out of the avalanche I find myself in.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Ebb and Flow.

I live by the ocean and love to sit on the shore for extended periods of time, when I can, so I witness the tide rising and falling quite regularly. I even wait up to see the relationship the moon has with the ocean, how the tide fluctuations grow even stronger as the moon becomes fuller. You can read all this on a tide chart as well, but it somehow doesn't seem to have the same effect on me. When I lived in areas surrounded by ocean, like the big island of Hawaii and a small peninsula in Northern California, I could even feel the change within myself as the full moon approached. I would know the full moon was approaching simply by my exaggerated emotional imbalance. Sure enough, when I'd look up that night, there it was, coming on, the fuller moon was having it's effect. And the moon is only one of many such causes of this ebb and flow of the ocean.
What am I trying to say? Well, I'm suggesting that the idea I've harbored for a LONG time, that somehow I will reach absolute emotional, mental, and physical stability and remain there indefinitely is as outrageously absurd as believing the ocean will one day remain absolutely stable, without tide. And if this statement is true, the spiritual aspiration of such stability is equally absurd, and so is the self-image we all seem to defend that we are 'always' this or 'always' that or 'never' this or 'never' that or whatever absolutism you care to fill in. I'd even go so far as to say those who tell you otherwise are either lying to you or ignorant themselves because in fact, no such stability is possible or even required, unless you irreversibly damage your brain!! Being a form composed of mostly salt water, the physical body ebbs and flows and since there is no separating one body from the next, so does the emotional, mental, spiritual, light, ether...bodies. One day many of these, the next day a few of those. One moment this, that, and a few others, the next moment just THIS! And here I am spending all my time and energy attempting to keep my 'bodies' absolutely fixed!!! Are you kidding me? I mean, it could be a funny joke if I hadn't spent decades attempting it. And how much closer am I to this much sought after stability? One thing that does seem quite stable, however, are words. Words seem to remain what they are indefinitely. How interesting!?!? Language...has it trapped the fluidity of mind in an inescapable impossibility? Yes, think about the words 'enlightenment', 'truth', 'freedom', 'love', 'God', 'Christ'......WOW! Someone writes them down, utters them aloud and the one listening, the one reading is trapped. The word seems stable when everything else in life is in a state of constant flux...ask yourself where do you want to live? With life or the word.

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Headlines, Part 1

This will be an ongoing post taken from headlines in one of our National Newspapers. I read today that the United Nations is investigating allegations of widespread sexual abuse by hundreds of Moroccan peacekeepers serving in the Ivory Coast. All 800 troops, an entire battalion, are being held in barracks until the investigation is finished. The abuse involved soldiers having sex with a large number of underage girls.
Clearly, human life on this planet is out of control. It's as if most everyone believes that if no one is looking, anything goes, except for one thing my fellow beings...YOU"RE LOOKING!!!!! In this instance, I'm speaking to the Moroccan peacekeepers who comitted such awful crimes. You are in that exact place at the exact time that you are doing the unthinkable and yet what, you believe there is no affect!! Maybe you just think it affects the girl, and maybe you don't think she is worth the life she has, or maybe you don't think you're worth the life you have, or maybe you have just never been taught what it means to have worth or value, but for the sake of argument, what if the effect goes beyond just the damaging of a girl that no one will ever know? And I'm not talking about you being damaged, clearly you're beyond caring about your own damage, and clearly you've been damaged yourself, but you are the eyes of human consciousness in that moment, in that camp, on that night. It is recorded in your brain, which is not just your brain...it is a human brain. What if every human brain records the experience taking place in consciousness and shares it? Just because I can't see my computer sharing information with yours doesn't mean it is not sharing information, does it? The challenge of human existence is all of ours and no one's more responsible than another. No, I'm not a Moroccan U.N Peacekeeper in the Ivory Coast sexually abusing underage girls, but I read about it and turn the page. Clearly, life asks more of us than that! And I don't mean the sound bites of politicians or the ideals of some church, I mean a revolution of the mind, and the only place I come into contact with the mind is right here, in my body, where I am, right now. I have direct contact with the entire content of human consciousness, all of it. And not only that, but I have direct awareness of how this content is distorted, twisted, ignored, and re-framed in order to deny having such direct contact and in order to deny having any personal responsibility. No more is needed, no other person is needed, nothing needs outside interpretation or authority, just the ending of my own denial of what I know to be true about being human. We are all human, right? That's my responsibility, what's yours?

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Monday, July 23, 2007

Being my own.

I don't know about you but for me, at some point just recently in my life, I decided I just couldn't keep waiting to find out who the rest of the world wanted me to be. And by world, I mean those I know, those I've met, and those who have influenced me throughout my life. It is really a terrible feeling to not know who you are, to not know how to act, what to say, what to do. It feels like such a waste to always be trying to learn how to react in such a way to make everyone else feel comfortable, when underneath it all it is me that feels so utterly uncomfortable behaving in such a manner. Does anyone know what I mean? I feel like I've been playing a game my whole 'adult' life where the rules are not only always changing but I'm only informed one rule at a time a moment or two after I broke it. And this sort of sleep walking through life becomes so normal, common, just bumping into the furniture that someone keeps moving around the room. I can honestly say it has never been comfortable, this way I've lived my life, but it was definitely normal. And it was due to this outward uncertainty in myself that I became so dependent inwardly on thought. And yet, it is also quite obvious that such inward dependence on thought would translate as outward uncertainty in life, I mean attention can only be held in one place at a time, right? It is the holding that is so suffocating. And there is only holding when there is avoidance at play. I've always avoided the way I feel because it has always been quite scary. I mean it always seemed like if I felt myself I would hate myself, and it is true, I have hated myself plenty, but the hatred does not run that deep. Beneath that current there is the deep expanse of ridiculously large freedom, and it is that that I've been avoiding my whole life. The thought being, 'if I felt that as being myself I would die', the flip side being, 'if I didn't feel that as being myself I wouldn't die'. WOW...that's quite funny, because the only thing guaranteed in this life on Earth is my eventual death. I don't know when but it is certain and yet the belief is if I don't feel what lies inside me, at my core, I will live this life indefinitely. It's a crazy thought but it's there, running right under my conscious radar. Because when I admit that the end of this life is certain, not morbidly so, then there is just too much energy to keep bound up in a fearful form. That energy, unbound, creates it's own form and it is that that I refer to as being my own.

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Sunday, July 22, 2007

2 weeks to the rest of my life!!

Well, I gave my two week notice at work yesterday and it felt like I was breaking up with a girlfriend. I really do enjoy my boss and the other women who work there, but I have to keep doing what I know is in my own best interest at this point. I've spent a lifetime, so far, making decisions based on how I think other people will feel, or based on what I think other people want or need. Always sacrificing myself, my happiness, my desires, just so that I don't think I am hurting or getting in the way of others. Again, as you can see from this post so far, this warping of my own life was due to listening, almost exclusively, to thoughts at the denial of feeling. And since I'm open to my feelings now, I'm beginning to learn how to honor them, listen to them, and see that feeling bad can actually mean I can change my own circumstances, that I actually value myself enough to give myself the opportunity to feel good. And now, when I give thought and feeling an equal say, intelligence lies outside of both, intelligence lies where I am instead of mistakenly bound up in thought, where I had believed it resided my entire life. It's so funny, because I usually thought that thoughts were somehow intelligent, right? I mean, whenever I was in some sort of situation I would listen to thoughts to navigate me through. I'm not saying there is no place for thought, that would be obviously absurd, but let's just be clear as to what they are and where they come from. I've been, in my distant past, surrounded by certain spiritual communities that actually taught and told people that thought came directly out of emptiness and returned to emptiness. Ridiculous!! In order to believe such non sense you would have to overlook having a brain, and I don't mean to say you're stupid, I mean the actual, physical brain, you would have to deny it in order to believe such dribble. If you are at all curious, you can probably see for yourself that thought is mostly the response of memory. When the brain meets a present challenge, and every present moment can be said to be a challenge for the brain, it's response is to link this moment with similar ones from the past, and it's present response, or action forward, is often guided by the reactive thought process that links past with now. If the moment was 'successfully' navigated it is remembered as such and the next time a similar matching takes place with even less, if any, conscious thought needed, there is just the learned response reacting. Now clearly, this can work quite well in many regards, and it does in countless crucial ways, but what also must stand out is that this sort of process can just as easily go WAY off as it pertains to the individual because it is simply a process that happens on its own, in other words, it conditions itself and then goes about conditioning circumstances and responses that inturn recondition itself in a never-ending loop. Now the brain, the human brain, has been evolving for thousands and thousands of years, the residue of which builds up the framework of humanities experience of life itself, so through that amount of time and experience the avenues of successful navigation and boundless neurosis are innumerable. It's an amazing phenomena when you think about it, and so to finally come to a point in my life where I can dispel the belief that intelligence lies in the thought process and own it is so very beautiful. It frees me from my own prison walls. Because as I was biking to work yesterday, with the feeling of ending my work there in two weeks, I heard the thoughts that I would normally obey being mercilessly laid over that feeling. Thoughts like, "but what will you do for an income?" "aren't you leaving your boss in a difficult situation?" "Not now, the timing isn't right." "You're gonna just act on that feeling, what about when it passes?" "What if you're just angry, frustrated, and you'll regret this situation once you do it?" "You've done this before and it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to." "Just suck it up, the right time will present itself to you, not you presenting the right time to life." You know what I mean? And to just listen and follow the fact that I no longer feel 'good' doing this work and I know it's time because I value myself and I'm worth feeling good about myself and what I do. And so now the present moment need not be solely informed by my thought process, it is suddenly much more dynamic, open to an intelligence that acts from its own source. It is an exciting time for me in my life and I thank you all for being a part of it.

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Saturday, July 21, 2007

When the Emotional Sea is calm...Now what?

It's funny how when I experience something intense, anything intense, and it passes, there lingers this belief that I need more of it or something else equally intense to take it's place. The body and mind seem to be so fluid, in one sense, but also desiring to hold some form more or less continuously in another. I guess, in other words, the body/mind seems to be highly conditional, and this conditional state seems to have little to do with "happiness" per se, only permanence. Habits are an easy example to witness, they need not make you happy or even be healthy, but there they are, preforming like clockwork. I've been tuned in to the conditioned nature of life in a body for some time, even to the point where if I drink a green tea one day there is no problem, if I drink it two days in a row, there is dependence. Meaning, for me, after only two straight days of having one cup of green tea in the morning, if I don't have it the third day I will feel a mild headache come on. If I smoke marijuana for even one day, at any time of the day, I will sleep well that night. Two days of smoking in a row and then I stop, I will be sleepless for many hours before finally falling asleep exhausted.

And so, with all the emotions that have been ripping me apart lately, it is no different, except much more intense. Since I finally faced this raging emotional sea within me it has subsided. Great, right? Well, yes of course, but what I'm speaking about is the withdraw from it, and how the withdraw, if not seen as simply a withdraw, or the abrupt changing of conditions, seems to mean that something is wrong, something is off, something needs to happen. Just like the headache means I need a cup of tea or the sleepless night means I need to smoke (which I no longer do, by the way.) This space of the highly conditioned and conditioning body/mind phenomena has always been so intriguing to me because, to me, it is the innumerable sets of conditions that, to a large extent, eventually take form as my body, my mind, and the experience of life and reality I have. It can really be quite funny to re-examine everything we take for granted, like the things I 'like' and the things I 'dislike' as simply being the response of a set of conditions. It can seem like I will always like what I like and dislike what I dislike until a few conditions are changed, consciously or unconsciously, and then WHAM, I'm a new person.

An example in my past is when I ate mostly processed food, which is high in refined sugars. To much sugar in my body made salads, greens, and vegetables, you know, whole, healthy foods, taste bland and quite unappealing, and yet when I stumbled across a simple five day cleanse and tried it, for whatever reason, eating a salad, which I hardly ever did before, disgusting!?!?, was incredibly delicious! Now, I would have never known I would 'like' salads until certain conditions in my body were altered. (I'm not advocating changing your diet, that's not the point, my diet has changed countless times, only pointing out the pervasiveness of the conditioning force in our lives and the possibility of consciously playing with it. Then, maybe, happiness could, in fact, become the driving force in our lives instead of...well...blind conditions unconsciously laid down throughout the past which automatically respond to life circumstances as ME. There is a definite connection between conditions already in place and the intention for something new to take form. The two forces meet smack dab in the present moment of living a conscious life. We will have to go into that another time, but Compassionate Council is here for just that sort of work.

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

A Giant Among A Colony of Ants!

Today is one of those days where I feel like a giant among a colony of scurrying ants! A day where everything seems like such a small affair and everyone seems so moved by it all. Of course, a feeling like this is not meant to last, that would be utterly dysfunctional, but in those moments when it washes over me like a cool breeze, it is quite a nice reprieve from the hum-drum of moving bodies puttering aimlessly about, including my own. The thought that goes through my mind is something like, 'You're kidding, right?!?' Clearly, to be alive is something special in and of itself. Just to allow a deep breath to penetrate the fortress of solitude that is my chest cavity, at times, and open me up to the crystal clear blue sky with small, white bellowing clouds floating through. To feel the warmth of the sun on my face, and allow myself to travel to that intimate place where sun meets skin, where time is thrown off like a fool's crutch. And then to turn, figuratively, and look at the complexity of our human interactions with each other and the Earth that gives sooooooo much. So strange. And here's the kicker...to actually think, act, and believe as if happiness will be found by following the man-made authority of this maze of ridiculous complexity called modern life. That down some dark, hidden avenue, after 33 years of ceaseless movement in every direction imaginable there is a treasure waiting for me. I just can't imagine love hiding happiness from me, and not only that, but not even providing an accurate map!! Like I said, the feeling passes, the phone rings, I answer it, it's 11:42a.m.

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Peace, where can it be found?

I noticed yesterday, even in the depths of an uncontrollable tantrum of emotion and heartache, that the core of my being remained still and silent throughout it all. I'm not just saying that either, it is absolutely true. I noticed this core of stillness not only when I allowed myself a momentarily reprieve from convulsively crying and yelling but even right smack dab in the middle of my grief, as it shook my body and heart. It's funny how such a core of stillness can be twisted into something spiritual, or something one would set out to attain. How ridiculous! Or better yet, there is the idea that I will remain conscious of this core of stillness for the rest of my days, every moment of every day, only conscious of that and everything else would just happen as if on automatic pilot, working itself out perfectly. Sure, it may sound silly when I write it down, but I promise you it was a dream I ungracefully pursued for many years. To make peace, truth, God, or whatever you may call it into something special for a few to attain is such a tragic mistake, no wonder we all seem to aimlessly wonder through life, without smiles on our face or joy in our heart. We share such a long history together of making life into a struggle to achieve, overcome, conquer and endure. It is as if we believe we left home a long time ago and have wondered so far, stayed away so long that there is no way back. We ask everyone we meet how to get back home and everyone points in a different direction, each lost as well hoping you may have passed their home along your way. Nothing looks familiar, nothing reminds me of the home I left. I imagine what it must have been like, what it will be like when I find it again. Along the way I make the best out of the wondering life, establishing homes away from home, habits that comfort, habits that numb. And yet, I never stop to ask myself, not another, myself, whether or not there ever was a home I left long ago. I tell you this evening, in the midst of my agony yesterday, the clarity of that silent core of my own being was right where my agony was, right where I was. What if I haven't gone anywhere, lost anything, or left a home somewhere? What if I have just been mistaken this whole time? A friend of mine did a radio program today and she talked about the black community and the "New Age Movement." She mentioned how much of the spiritual text of the world, if not all, originated from Africa. I had known that for some time as well, having studied Egyptian history on my own some time ago, but what struck me was that it is not only spiritual text that originated in Africa. Life as we know it, human life, originated there too. All of us, not just those with dark skin today. And yet, look at all that has transpired since the dawn of human kind? The history etched on our faces and embedded in our genes. And yet, where have we gone? How far have we fallen? I would imagine if a human being were capable of feeling the weight, emotion, heartache and despair of our entire span of human history would they not also be aware of this exquisite core of silent being in the midst of it all and realize they may have been mistaken?

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Raging Sea of Emotional Turmoil

I can hardly remember a time in my life where I have felt more emotional turmoil rage in my body then it has been raging recently. I have noticed how I have always denied my emotions, to the point where feeling bad, feeling alone, feeling isolated, feeling despair was natural, like what life was supposed to be like in my skin. I was the martyr of the world, and yet no one knew it but me and even worse, no one cared anyway. I had such a warped view of myself and the world, believing my suffering, my being worthless was some how giving worth to others. As if I would save anyone else but myself, I just never FELT I was worth it. And so feeling in my body was the reminder of how I was never good enough for anyone else to love me and everyone showed me that through their actions towards me sooner or later. I guess I learned quite young that I'd rather not feel that way and so I began simply thinking of myself differently and much more often, compulsively, to the point where I grew dependent on thinking myself in order to avoid feeling myself. And since the person I became in my thoughts grew out of the avoidance of this vile sea of emotinal turmoil, my thoughts of myself became this cancerous growth of superiority where everyone else was seen as worthless. Of course, you would never know it if I didn't share it with you, from the outside the image was pretty well put together. The long and short of this entry is I grew up, like I assume most of us have, not knowing how to make sense of the awakening of emotions and thoughts and the defining of what they mean in my young, growing body. Since my parents probably shared the same fate as I growing up, that is being internally alone with the challenge of human life, my unfolding would naturally be like theirs. And yet, for me, this time around, the emotional wave was far to large for any mental re-positioning. I couldn't keep my attention out of this violent sea within me, I fell helplessly in. It is there, in the falling in, in the agony of being lost at sea, once again, that I began to believe there is another life possible, one not led or governed by either body, emotional or mental. A life where both have a healthy place but neither becomes a force of oppression or sacrifice. I call this new life, a human life. I've hardly ever known it before, not consciously anyway. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring, like being adrift on the open ocean, the calm of today may give rise to the storm of tomorrow, but I can now recognize it is the same sea, whether angry or calm, and I am only a visitor, adrift, tiny, inconsequential, anonymous, and I dare say free. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

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Monday, July 16, 2007


Donations are by no means required, since this web site is intended for everybody, but your kind gesture of support is greatly appreciated.50% of each donation is, in turn, donated to one of the many non-profit organizations aiding humanity which we've listed in the 'RESOURCES' section found along the top menu bar. Simply write down which organization you would like your percentage to go towards in the instructions box when you donate. If you would like to make a donation directly to any one of the organizations listed in the 'RESOURCES' section, simply click on their link and you will be redirected to that particular organization's secure website.

Thank you for your donation. No amount is to small to make a difference.

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Sunday, July 15, 2007


There are no services being offered at this time. Please check back in two weeks for our offering of service and further details.

Thank you!

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Forver Lovin' Jah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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From the depths of Despair

Hello everyone.
This is my very first blog entry and I would just like to say hello and I hope this entry finds you happy and healthy wherever you may be reading it from. I have felt the desire to share myself with the world for quite a long time but never quite found my voice until now. Even now, the words are not flowing as easily as I would hope, but I'm sure that is just a matter of time and practice. And as I hope this blog becomes a place where you can get to know me, I guess I can relax into the fact that I am what I am and everyone will have to either accept me, reject me, or leave me at some point. I can live with that. Please know that it is not my intention to do anything here other than invite you to walk along with me as we both discover a life of beauty, compassion, health and well-being. I have felt many times as if I was on this walk alone. In fact, much of the last 10 years of my life has felt as if I was walking the earth, alone, left to experience all it has to offer without much of a sense of being at home, accepted, or even part of the society I found myself in. I was told, and believed, all sorts of things about myself, and this life, that created a furthering sense of isolation and despair. And of course, like many I've seen around myself, I would end up settling for the comfort of utterly destructive habits just to maintain some sense of familarity. And yet, that life I've known day in and day out, year after year, no longer has the power or grip on me that it used to. In fact, I'd even say it has past. I'm not talking about the challenges of life, for life is, and will always remain, a challenge to be met, but the one who responses to that challenge is new. The one who responds to the challenge of life is not the product of the past regressions, for I no longer consider myself a product of anything. I am the new life, the life ahead, and I want to invite all of you to discover your own life ahead along with me. May we grow to know each other, grow to love each other, and grow to support each other in health, happiness, truth, freedom, and discovering the beauty that is our collective humanity. Thank you for reading my thoughts and I hope you return again and again so that you may give me the gift of seeing you blossom into your radiant nature.

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Compassionate Council's Perspective

Compassionate Council serves to wipe away the interference and influence of the past so that we may compassionately embrace ourselves today as the whole, healthy, and profoundly individual beings that we presently are. No revolt, no effort or struggle to become different, no change or improvement is necessary. A simple, direct awareness into the mind's nature, movement and manifestations reveals oneself to be other than these temporary beliefs we've taken ourselves to be. It is a total inward revolution without lifting a finger in the world and yet, the entire world shifts to receive you. There is nothing more practical, functional, or responsible than this total, inward revolution, for it is the natural expression of true freedom, undefined by anyone or anything.

What you can expect from the site...

A reservoir of ruthless love, freedom: what it is not, belief: what it is, the mind and its movement, consciousness, the total indivisible process of thinking (thought-feeling-neurochemical reactions-the body-experience-memory-reaction-interpretation), human issues: big and small, truth: I'm kidding I would never presume as much, my own personal journey: for your eyes only, and well, whatever else I feel like, for it all exists in one mind.
Of course, the more difficult the subject, the stickier the situation, the darker the view, the more intense my interest is in releasing us from such abnormal conditions.

Finding your way around

Perhaps the best way to explore the posts is to browse the 'Label Cloud' on the right hand sidebar. Each label links to all the posts where that particular word was used by the author to indicate it as a main topic. If you are new here then 'Selected Posts' is another good place to start, (there's a pop-up description for each post if you hold your cursor over the post titles). Alternatively, you might like to pick and choose from the list of past posts in the 'Blog Archive' list just below the 'Selected Posts' on the right sidebar.

The section on the left hand sidebar entitled 'Latest Links' is the stuff that I've recently come across and find interesting - other peoples blog posts, related articles or sites. I update this weekly so you might like to keep checking these links.

If there's anything you think I could do to help you or make this place more user-friendly then please do let me know by dropping me an e-mail, which is located on the left hand sidebar.

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Our online community

Below are a variety of links to many different people, places, and organizations around the world that are serving our human community in one way or another. By clicking on any one of these links you will be redirected to that particular site where you can learn more about them and/or make a donation directly to their cause.
Compassionate Council did its best to select a wide variety of different sites for you to explore, if you so desire. There are many more fine institutions and people out there doing great work. If you feel there is one, in particular, that you'd like to see linked here on our site, please let us know.

Charity Navigator

Charity Navigator, America's premier independent charity evaluator, works to advance a more efficient and responsive philanthropic marketplace by evaluating the financial health of America's largest charities.

Save Darfur

The emergency in Sudan? western region of Darfur presents the starkest challenge to the world since the Rwanda genocide in 1994. The Save Darfur Coalition utilizes media outreach, public education, targeted coalition building and grassroots mobilization to pressure policymakers worldwide to help the people of Darfur.


Kiva lets you connect with and loan money to unique small businesses in the developing world. By choosing a business on Kiva.org, you can "sponsor a business" and help the world's working poor make great strides towards economic independence.

Mercy Corps

Mercy Corps exists to alleviate suffering, poverty and oppression by helping people build secure, productive and just communities. Mercy Corps works amid disasters, conflicts, chronic poverty and instability to unleash the potential of people who can win against nearly impossible odds.

Universal Giving

UniversalGiving is a social entrepreneurship non-profit dedicated to making giving and volunteering a natural part of everyday life. Our web-based service connects donors and volunteers with exceptional organizations all over the world.

Habitat For Humanity

HFHI seeks to eliminate poverty housing and homelessness from the world, and to make decent shelter a matter of conscience and action. Habitat invites people of all backgrounds, races and religions to build houses together in partnership with families in need.

Accion International

The mission of ACCION International is to give people the tools they need to work their way out of poverty. By providing "micro" loans and business training to poor women and men who start their own businesses, ACCION's partner lending organizations help people work their own way up the economic ladder, with dignity and pride.

Global Action For Children

Global Action for Children is a nonpartisan, results-oriented coalition dedicated to advocating for orphans and other vulnerable children in the developing world. GAC is an independent, collaborative campaign of nongovernmental, faith-based, and student organizations dedicated to supporting orphans and other vulnerable children and the communities that care for them.

Grameen Bank

Grameen Bank (GB) has reversed conventional banking practice by removing the need for collateral and created a banking system based on mutual trust, accountability, participation and creativity. GB provides credit to the poorest of the poor in rural Bangladesh, without any collateral.

Amnesty International

Amnesty International (AI) is a worldwide movement of people who campaign for internationally recognized human rights. AI? vision is of a world in which every person enjoys all of the human rights enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and other international human rights standards.

Global Exchange

Global Exchange is a membership-based international human rights organization dedicated to promoting social, economic and environmental justice around the world.


The International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) is an impartial, neutral and independent organization whose exclusively humanitarian mission is to protect the lives and dignity of victims of war and internal violence and to provide them with assistance.

Doctors Without Borders

Doctors Without Borders/M?ecins Sans Fronti?es (MSF) is an independent international medical humanitarian organization that delivers emergency aid to people affected by armed conflict, epidemics, natural or man-made disasters, or exclusion from health care in more than 70 countries.


The International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies is the world's largest humanitarian organization, providing assistance without discrimination as to nationality, race, religious beliefs, class or political opinions.

Human Rights Watch

Human Rights Watch is dedicated to protecting the human rights of people around the world. Human Rights Watch is an independent, nongovernmental organization, supported by contributions from private individuals and foundations worldwide. It accepts no government funds, directly or indirectly.

Link TV

Link TV broadcasts programs that engage, educate and activate viewers to become involved in the world. These programs provide a unique perspective on international news, current events, and diverse cultures, presenting issues not often covered in the U.S. media.

Seeds of Peace

Founded in 1993, Seeds of Peace is dedicated to empowering young leaders from regions of conflict with the leadership skills required to advance reconciliation and coexistence. Seeds of Peace has intensified its impact, dramatically increasing the number of participants, represented nations and programs.

Society for Serving Humanity

The Society for Serving Humanity promotes sustainable hunger free/disease free communities and Eco-environmental learning among the small farmers and agricultural labourers of India, particularly women and children.

Free Pledge

FreePledge enables people to shop online from prominent retailers, to pay the normal prices, and to have a percentage of their purchases donated to nonprofits of their choice at no cost to them.


FINCA's mission is to provide financial services to the world's lowest-income entrepreneurs so they can create jobs, build assets and improve their standard of living. With programs in 21 countries in Latin America, Eurasia, Central Asia, and Africa, FINCA? geographic reach is among the widest of the leading microfinance networks.

One World

OneWorld is a global information network developed to support communication between people, everywhere. OneWorld encourages people to discover their power by providing access to information, and enabling connections between hundreds of organizations and tens of thousands of people around the world.

Forge Now

FORGE is an organization that educates, empowers, and enriches the lives of refugees in order to catalyze sustainable social change. We create meaningful partnerships between African refugees and the western world in order to enable the sharing and transfer of resources, ideas, and understanding and to lay the foundation for peace and development.

Ten Thousand Villages

At Ten Thousand Villages, we work with over 100 artisan groups in more than 30 countries in Africa, Asia and Latin America to bring you fair trade jewelry, home decor, gifts and more.

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Saturday, July 14, 2007

Children's E-Book Offering

Hello Compassionate Council Readers!
I appreciate your interest in my new children's book entitled, 'The Bright, Young Star.' The overall story was written by me in one sitting, one evening, about 7 years ago. It has sat around and undergone several tweaks since then until I found an amazing illustrator who was passionate about bringing my words to life! The illustrator's name is Julie Lee and a sample of her other work can be seen on her website Julie Lee.

Below is a short 4 page sample of the book, text and illustrations included. If you like what you read and see you will be able to purchase the entire 23 page e-book shortly.
All comments are welcome!
Thank you for your time and enjoy.

(Under Construction: Will be operational soon :)

Page 5: “Knowing who you are, you will always shine bright. Radiating love, through the darkest of night!”

Page 6: Well, the young one, bewildered, had a simple reply. It opened its mouth and asked, “Who am I? Why surely I’m a star, a star just like you, but you’re so much brighter, I would like to be too.” The bright one moved closer, a glimmer lit its eye. A glimmer that revealed, these eyes would never lie. "You are not a star dear one, and I am not a star. Why not ask the question once again, who is it that you are?" Well, the young one appeared a little confused, although still calm and slightly amused. So it moved a little closer, in the light of this friend. Looked it in the eyes, and spoke once again.

Page 7: “I’ve always thought I was a star, I’ve always felt I was a star, I’ve seen so many stars who are sure that they are… And experienced my whole life as starness too, but if you say I’m not, well what shall I do?” The bright one chuckled, dancing around. “Oh, dear one, there's no reason to frown. Doing, I must say, is no way to be. Turn around and tell me, what do you see?”

Page 8: The young one turned and saw the vastness of space, countless stars and planets in place. But what appeared on the horizon, shook the young one’s soul… There staring back, a humongous black hole!

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