Saturday, July 21, 2007

When the Emotional Sea is calm...Now what?

It's funny how when I experience something intense, anything intense, and it passes, there lingers this belief that I need more of it or something else equally intense to take it's place. The body and mind seem to be so fluid, in one sense, but also desiring to hold some form more or less continuously in another. I guess, in other words, the body/mind seems to be highly conditional, and this conditional state seems to have little to do with "happiness" per se, only permanence. Habits are an easy example to witness, they need not make you happy or even be healthy, but there they are, preforming like clockwork. I've been tuned in to the conditioned nature of life in a body for some time, even to the point where if I drink a green tea one day there is no problem, if I drink it two days in a row, there is dependence. Meaning, for me, after only two straight days of having one cup of green tea in the morning, if I don't have it the third day I will feel a mild headache come on. If I smoke marijuana for even one day, at any time of the day, I will sleep well that night. Two days of smoking in a row and then I stop, I will be sleepless for many hours before finally falling asleep exhausted.

And so, with all the emotions that have been ripping me apart lately, it is no different, except much more intense. Since I finally faced this raging emotional sea within me it has subsided. Great, right? Well, yes of course, but what I'm speaking about is the withdraw from it, and how the withdraw, if not seen as simply a withdraw, or the abrupt changing of conditions, seems to mean that something is wrong, something is off, something needs to happen. Just like the headache means I need a cup of tea or the sleepless night means I need to smoke (which I no longer do, by the way.) This space of the highly conditioned and conditioning body/mind phenomena has always been so intriguing to me because, to me, it is the innumerable sets of conditions that, to a large extent, eventually take form as my body, my mind, and the experience of life and reality I have. It can really be quite funny to re-examine everything we take for granted, like the things I 'like' and the things I 'dislike' as simply being the response of a set of conditions. It can seem like I will always like what I like and dislike what I dislike until a few conditions are changed, consciously or unconsciously, and then WHAM, I'm a new person.

An example in my past is when I ate mostly processed food, which is high in refined sugars. To much sugar in my body made salads, greens, and vegetables, you know, whole, healthy foods, taste bland and quite unappealing, and yet when I stumbled across a simple five day cleanse and tried it, for whatever reason, eating a salad, which I hardly ever did before, disgusting!?!?, was incredibly delicious! Now, I would have never known I would 'like' salads until certain conditions in my body were altered. (I'm not advocating changing your diet, that's not the point, my diet has changed countless times, only pointing out the pervasiveness of the conditioning force in our lives and the possibility of consciously playing with it. Then, maybe, happiness could, in fact, become the driving force in our lives instead of...well...blind conditions unconsciously laid down throughout the past which automatically respond to life circumstances as ME. There is a definite connection between conditions already in place and the intention for something new to take form. The two forces meet smack dab in the present moment of living a conscious life. We will have to go into that another time, but Compassionate Council is here for just that sort of work.