Monday, August 13, 2007

The Past: A Compass No More?

When the emotional ocean is calm it makes me feel the way I do when I'm out under the summer sun hour after hour...dull, sleepy, numb. Emotions are the fuel for the drama in my live and when there is no emotion, no sense of an active turmoil of some sorts in my body, there is no drama, no story moving forward. And, I have to admit, there doesn't seem to be much of a story moving forward in my life right now. By story I mean a particular commentary in the mind, that only I hear and see, which is projected out into the world for me to fulfill, walk into, manifest. The chapters of this story I've already read are my past and the chapters yet to come are my future. Wherever I am today is where the past is actively modifying itself to become my future. For me, lately, it seems as if I've put the book down and forgot where I placed it. Or maybe I decided at some point quite recently that I'm no longer interested in the subject matter of this

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not being morbid, depressive, or anything like that. I'm just not interested in the past that I remember framing the future I've yet to experience. I mean, when my past is in charge of where I go in the future, my future becomes terribly limited. There are only so many possibilities available, to a person dependent on their past actions and decisions, to pick the next path to follow when confronted with boundless options. The past will always pick a path similar to one it has already experienced and deemed safe, comfortable, enjoyable, or necessary. I guess that works at a certain biological level, my survival, but when life becomes more than merely surviving, when I am no longer afraid of dying, the past becomes the only hindrance to truly living.


I didn't know where this post would go this morning but it has brought me to an interesting place. I wasn't sure what I was feeling and going through the last few days until right now, sharing with you! I am now aware of how I have been allowing my past to continue to dictate what my future will look like, how it will unfold, what I need to do in order for it to unfold the way I imagine, etc. Now this is crucial. When I become aware of the movement of the past interfering with the way things are naturally unfolding, which is quite dynamically unknown to me, there is an ending of that interference. And when that interference ends, conflict ends, I am no longer split within myself. Not by me doing anything about it, struggling, fighting, resisting, but just by me being aware of its interference. In one moment I am not aware of this interference and in the next moment I am, and since this interference doesn't serve the intention of my life, it stops, immediately. Now many believe 'enlightenment', 'god realization', 'truth', what have you, is the total ending of all this mind activity forever more. It is just that, a belief. Some may focus on there particular version of this belief to the point of manifesting it and living it out, but they are only living out a small, fixed belief of a mind crippled by its own concentration. 'Enlightenment', or whatever you may call it, is living, dynamic, active, not dead. It refers to the moment to moment awareness of the movement of this dynamically active mind which continually attempts to fix a foundation within itself where it can become something it imagines itself to be. Beautiful! Thank you all for being a part of this uncovering within me this morning. The future is boundless and no longer merely existing within my imagination.