Friday, August 3, 2007

Fighting the nature of life.

Wow. Fighting the nature of life is an amazing phenomena that I've actively participated in for my entire life. Of course, I'm not here to blame myself for doing so, or anyone else for that matter. It's funny how limited one's perspective can be at any given point, on any given circumstance. I guess I used to blame my parents to some extend for teaching, or allowing this fight to become the familiar, the way through life, but they didn't have parents! There's really no 'beginning' of this fight and therefore no where to lay blame. There is only the fact, the fight, the battle against the current of life. I'd rather not define that current of life for you, or the fight against it, with any great detail because I long for those who read this to think into these things on their own, with their own interest and perspective.

The Niagara River From The White Water Walk,Niagara River

I will simply add that it seems to me that from the very beginning of life, and certainly human life, fighting against nature for survival seemed to be the way we proceeded, at first utterly unconsciously and then gradually with more and more conscious choice. Wow, that's interesting...if something begins unconscious, automatically operating through a process of inter-relationship, will it ever be anything other than it is, unconscious? What if consciousness, being conscious of something, is simply being conscious of that which is operating unconsciously? So maybe this fight with nature is the way the programming of life has operating since the beginning and it has never changed, even with the inception of language, choice, will, and thought? And so many reading this post may assume I mean there is no way out of unconsciously operating from the program of life. Is there? Is conscious choice, for instance, a fact or non-fact, a hope, a belief? When I say I choose to eat eggs this morning, what is actually happening, what am I actually aware of, besides the framing of language to imply I'm choosing something consciously, independently? Is the act of making eggs prior to the thought that states that I choose to make eggs? Check it out. In my experience there is a movement without end that is life and my choosing things to do or not do today, for instance, is fighting the nature of life, non-stop movement, in order for it to seem as if 'I am choosing what is taking place,' instead of it simply taking place as part of the movement of life. I think I got myself into a never ending discovery here. I guess what I love about being aware of myself is how it never stops, it's bottomless in depth and texture, and no one else has any authority in terms of my discovery. It is my own.

The sharing is not to teach, which is a joke, immature, and destructive. The sharing is simply highlighting this movement of awareness into itself, the natural unfolding of insight, and as you can see by reading this, and other posts, thought is such a poor substitute for one's own awareness. All that is possible is a tiny, limited taste of the actual movement of awareness exploring the vast expanse of life, truth...itself. It is more of a feeling that a mental exercise, really, there is nothing to teach about yourself here, no one can teach you about yourself, only a witnessing of movement, like watching a river flow by. The beauty of the river is in its movement not in what you 'know' about it.