Thursday, September 20, 2007

There's 'No One' At The Center Of Conditioning.

Today, it seems as if there is no one left to communicate with. Everything has revealed itself to be images conditioning other images in order to rationally resemble the way I think reality is to look. Has reality been reduced to a battle to condition the mind? And how would that work, billions of different perspectives attempting to condition one, shared mind to behave according to their own, particular needs? For instance, when you do something that hurts my feelings, maybe you didn't show enough appreciation for something I did for you, I usually believe I must hold on to that hurt, because it's real, and not immediately drop it until you understand what you did to me. You know what I mean? I couldn't, I mean, reality wouldn't let me immediately drop this hurt as if the entire circumstance had no weight or reality to it at all, right? For then you wouldn't know that I like things a certain way and don't like things another way. In other words, then I wouldn't be conditioning you on how to behave around me. So, let me put this straight, whenever I believe something is real, I must, in turn, condition other people to experience it as I do. That is, other people must realize it is real as well, otherwise, maybe it is just a delusion of my on making and therefore utterly useless, empty, hollow, fake, and false.

So let us examine this hurt I feel when you don't recognize something I did for you. When I say you hurt my feelings what do I mean? I've done something for you and therefore there is an expectation that you will recognize it and show your appreciation towards me in return. First of all, I'm acting with an intention. No one but me knows my intention, nor the assumed expectation wrapped tightly within it. But regardless of what you know or don't know, I always feel as if you will recognize what I've done in a similar manner to which I recognize it and therefore will give me what I feel I deserve, acknowledgment. So, there is an image of what I've done for you in my mind, an image that was there even before I did whatever it is I did for you. There is also the feeling that you will recognize the significance of the act and intention in the same way as I do, which justifies creating an image in my mind as to what you will do for me in return, an image based in the future. Next, you come along and do not even notice what I've done.

What happens? I get hurt. What gets hurt? Well, the first image isn't recognized for what it is, it isn't even seen, so in a very real sense it is dead to the world of meaning now. It lived for as long as I clung to it but without your recognition it is worthless and left go of. I may bring it up to you, once I'm already hurt, but it's significance is being recognized on its own by another, not through me describing it to you after the fact. Also, the future image never materializes, so it dies into oblivion as well, never to be brought back to life in this particular form or expression. So, the hurt I feel is the death of images that I clung to as reality, that I clung to as signposts of what should happen. My expectations have died. Images that would have made me happy if recognized make me hurt when not recognized. The accumulation of the consequences of so many passing images continually play on the image I hold of myself, my own worth, and my recognition. And now, to add on to this image of me, the image of me being hurt right now. For feeling the pain of images lost moves one to recognize this hurt as being the next image demanding my attention. My next move is the attempt to change this image of hurt into an image of assuring it will never happen again, an image of security. We can all dream, right? I move to condition you as to what you did wrong that made me feel this way. My tools may be tears, may be shouting, or calm stern discourse. You know, conditions I either can't control or have come to believe will convince you. Of course, all along, it is what I'm doing wrong that causes my own hurt. Clinging to images in the mind and believing they are not only reality itself, but intimately related to me and my well-being is a total misunderstanding. There is no self in the interplay of images, only an image of one. There is also a reality free of the influence of images. It's just never how you imagine it.