Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Uprising!

The title of this post comes from Bob Marley's legendary album of the same name. On the cover is a picture of Bob rising up like a mountain breaking the chains that bind him. I'm not hear to speak about Bob though, at least not that Bob. I'm hear to speak about my own breaking free, the breaking of several long held conditions that rigidly guided the waters of my life. A reader prompted this post by writing to me, 'I really want to know what inspired this post Robert.' She was referring to my post Disclaimer: I Have No More, Or Less, Authority Than You. This post, like a few others I have written, come from a place within that has more to do with my own sense of self than anything else. These posts are like markers in the mind, revealing where I have made decisions to be free instead of simply settling for being liked, comforted, befriended, or known.

Here's the thing, I've noticed this tendency in my mind to water myself down once a few people begin to show interest in me. This could happen out in the 'real world' or even through my blog site. Once someone shows an interest in me, in any small, inconsequential way, I begin to notice how this safe, comforting persona begins to move in and take my place. I no longer 'stir things up,' I no longer 'unleash myself on the world,' I no longer stand ruthlessly free in the face of humanity. No, it seems I'd rather shrink myself into a save size and relate to these few people who give me their attention in ways they will find comfortable. It is a 30+ year survival mechanism for me, one that was unveiled and perfected somewhere on the playgrounds of those care-free, pre-school afternoons.

Now, what is different is how quickly I have been becoming aware of this ever so slight movement in the mind. This movement of thought gradually replacing the ruthlessness of freedom with an image more appealing to the survival of my physical body and polished personality. And I have to say, as I've stated before in several previous posts, the reactive mechanics of survival are not what I am existing today to consciously serve. This precious lifetime, for me, is a manifestation of ruthless love, unbound freedom, and the expression of 'true' individuality. To all of those who appreciate my sharing, I thank you for joining me on this ride. But please take notice, it is not a ride of comfort, nor is it a ride of security or safety. I truly feel as if I've grown quite tired of apologizing for being myself. It is a ride that will take you far away from the centre of 'yourself,' into the unknown depths of possibility, that is, if you let it. For I am here for the journey, not the life we often create in the meantime, decorating a home, we've built at a rest stop, next to the road, that goes on forever.