Monday, July 20, 2009

The End of Attainment.

In spending more time, lately, reflecting on my interests in life I came upon an important factor which has accompanied my growth over the last 12 years. Right from the beginning of my search for meaning in life I had no desire to attain anything. I can remember the first time I heard the word enlightenment and came to understand what that word meant. I wanted nothing to do with it, and I still feel that fire of non-attainment burning within me today, stronger, purer. When people, with great experiential authority, spoke of their experiences, their states of consciousness, their living with truth, God, or what have you, I immediately, and without sentiment, denied their self-proclaimed significance within me. I knew in my heart, in my bones, in my blood, that anything attained is worth nothing in terms of the true significance of life. I didn´t need someone to tell me this, I didn´t need to read it, or believe it, it was, and continues to be, a natural part of my being and nature.

Now, by this time in my life, I had already seen through the attainment of this world´s treasures, in whatever form they could possibly take. And by saying ´seen through,´I simply mean I knew beyond a doubt that attaining anything this world could provide would not bring me any closer to the significance of life. Improve my livelihood, possibly, and with that there is no inherent problem, but deliver the other, never. And so this same ´knowing´ proved to be immovable even in terms of the spiritual, internal, and unknown aspect of living. I knew the attaining of anything, within or without, was a movement of the false, in terms of the true significance of life. And it didn´t matter who attempted to prove this truth to be false, this knowing remained and those false prophets fell. And it didn´t matter what experience I had, or didn´t have, they passed and this knowing remained.

And so it is today, writing this post, that I can honestly say, it is the understanding, the realization, the knowing of the absolute falseness of attainment, in whatever form it takes, that liberates the mind. And by ´liberated´ mind, I simply mean a mind that is free to look, to observe, to listen, without distortion, and therefore capable of moving with what is, living with what is, and remaining free of what is not, moment to moment. Therefore, and please understand this point, liberation is not an end, something that is or can be attained. It is not a state, an absence, or addition, of this or that. Liberation is the beginning of inquiry, and inquiry is the very movement of life free of delusion. And, therefore, it is only to a liberated mind that the question honestly arises, why suffer? I mind stuck in attainment may hear that question, borrow that question from a book or another, ask it of itself and receive an answer, but it is only, and always, a movement of attainment, of delusion.

It is to the liberated mind that the question ´why suffer´ arises, and with the inquiry that is born of this arising, the understanding, through direct contact, of ´how suffering happens.´ And it is the very ´observing of how,´ from moment to moment, that is the end of suffering. It is simply the observing; that is, a liberated mind observing how suffering arises and is maintained, that ends suffering. The observing itself is the ending, and the ending is moment to moment because it is the nature of a liberated mind to observe, listen, moment to moment, never accumulating, not even from one moment to the next. For attainment is born of accumulation, and accumulation is the movement of becoming that which is not true.